A confession: we think we have a sense of humor, but the truth is you people are funnier than we are. You've heard things in break rooms we can't imagine. You know a joke too far. You've been sitting on it for years. Give it to us and we'll put it on heavy card stock with your name on the back.
Framable. Grandmother-safe. Zero hints. The front's only job is to line up the punch. "Happy Birthday to the Best Boss Ever" gives away nothing, and that's why the inside detonates.
Say the exact thing nobody says out loud, with brutal specificity, in under three sentences. Our bar: "Thanks for not making me give you a blowjob to get my promotion. The bar was on the floor, and you cleared it." If your inside is merely sarcastic, it's not done. If reading it aloud makes someone leave the room, submit it.
Punch up at power, never down. No real, identifiable people. Satire about the awful thing, never an endorsement of it. If your card describes a crime someone actually committed, that's a police report, not a greeting card.
One line. "Every younger sibling at every wedding." If you can't name the buyer, the card doesn't exist yet.
Use the form below. It goes straight to our editors, who are two people and a lawyer on retainer. You'll hear back within a week, even if the answer is a polite scream.
Accepted designs go on the voting board. Every month, the top three go to print at $19.99 like everything else.
Hit 100 copies sold and you earn $1 per card for all of them, starting from card one, for as long as your card is in the catalog. Under 100, you're famous but unpaid.
One rule: sell 100 cards and every card pays you $1, including the first 100. Sell 99 and you get a firm handshake.
| Copies of your card sold | You earn |
|---|---|
| 99 | $0 — so close, tell your friends |
| 100 | $100 — payouts unlock, retroactive to card one |
| 500 | $500 |
| 1,000 | $1,000 |
| 10,000 | $10,000 — and we frame your cease-and-desist next to ours |
These cards are satire, and extreme satire at that. They are jokes, written to be as outrageous as possible, and they are not statements of fact about any person, boss, professor, teacher, coworker, clergy member, or company. Nothing on a card describes a real event, and no card is directed at any real individual.
To be completely clear: workplace harassment, abuse of power, and quid pro quo demands are real problems and we do not endorse, encourage, or make light of actual misconduct. The joke is the absurdity of saying the unsayable in a glitter-adjacent greeting card, not the misconduct itself.
Cards contain adult language and themes. Intended for buyers 18 and older who know their audience. If you hand one of these to someone with no sense of humor, HR, or your grandmother, that outcome is entirely on you.